The Advice given by A Father Which Rescued Me when I became a New Father

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of fatherhood.

However the reality rapidly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward words "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger failure to open up among men, who still internalise damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a respite - taking a short trip away, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."